Reflections on “A Man on the Inside” and Senior Living
December 2, 2025
If you have Netflix, you may be interested in catching Ted Dansen in the delightful new sitcom “A Man on the Inside.” Over Thanksgiving weekend, I watched Season Two, and I found both seasons to be highly entertaining for viewers of any age. However, as someone in her 60s, I was especially moved by the show’s interwoven themes of aging, vitality, love, community and intergenerational connection.
Ted Dansen on Aging with Grace
In season one, Ted Dansen plays Charles, a widower and former engineer who becomes a private investigator. Charles takes on the case of a missing necklace at the Pacific View Retirement Community. Many of us remember Ted Dansen from his younger days as Sam Malone, the charming bartender in “Cheers” during the 1980s—a time when we were all younger. Now, time has passed, and Dansen’s once brown hair has turned to a graceful white. He stands out in Hollywood as someone who embraces the natural aging process, proudly wearing the evidence of his 77 years.
Dansen’s acceptance of aging is reflected in his choice to star in “A Man on the Inside,” where he portrays a 70-something widower searching for renewed purpose. In season one, Charles temporarily moves into a retirement community as a spy to solve the mystery of the missing necklace. At the season’s end, Charles returns to his suburban home but continues to nurture friendships formed during his time in the community. Season Two sees Charles back in action, investigating a new case at a local college while the retirement community remains an important part of his life.
Green Pastures Full of Life
“A Man on the Inside” has received positive recognition, with Rotten Tomatoes giving the first and second seasons ratings of 96% and 91%, respectively. The site commented, “Tailor-made to suit Ted Dansen's estimable strengths, this warm and witty sitcom discovers a lot of life left in those who've been put out to pasture.”
The phrase “put out to pasture” is often seen as negative, but the metaphor of racehorses enjoying green pastures at the end of their careers can also signify a period of relaxation, freedom, and personal choice later in life. Shouldn’t we all look forward to carefree days and fulfilling activities (like secret spy work!) after the long race of life?
Personal Reflections
The show prompted me to reflect on my own family. Sometimes, I wonder how things might have been different for my mother if she had chosen community living after my father passed away. I believe she might have felt less lonely and stayed more active, possibly delaying the onset of dementia, as engaging in activities is beneficial to brain health. While we can’t know that for sure, I believe that a community lifestyle could have added great value to her later years.
Here are some reasons why anyone over 60 might find community living beneficial whether it’s a local retirement community or the infamous Villages in Florida and Arizona where entire “towns” of 55 and older folks have been created.
Key Advantages of Senior Living Communities
Connection and Community
· Social Interaction: Senior living communities offer residents the chance to connect with neighbors through a variety of activities, programs, and outings.
· Sense of Belonging: Living among peers creates a supportive environment, reduces loneliness and isolation, and enhances feelings of value and worth.
Health and Wellness
· Well-Being Focus: These communities promote whole-person wellness through programs that support physical, mental, and emotional health.
· Access to Care: Many senior living options provide convenient access to healthcare services, ensuring residents receive support as their needs evolve.
Maintenance-Free Living
· Reduced Responsibilities: Residents benefit from maintenance-free living, as housekeeping, yard work, and other chores are typically managed by the community.
· Consolidated Expenses: Traditional senior communities can simplify finances by combining housing costs, utilities, and meals into one monthly payment.
Safety and Security
· Secure Environment: Senior living communities generally offer a safe environment with security personnel and emergency response systems.
· Peace of Mind: Residents enjoy peace of mind knowing help is available if needed.
These advantages make senior living communities an attractive, even logical, choice for older adults seeking an active, engaged lifestyle.
Final Thoughts
My mom cherished her modest ranch style home on Florida’s intercoastal waterway, enjoying the scenery, sunsets and wildlife. But as she grew older and after my dad died she spent less and less time with other people. And although she wouldn’t admit it she became more sheepish about air travel so visiting her four kids came to an end; since we all worked and had families it was hard for us to visit frequently. As we watched our mother’s world diminish, she still resisted the idea of leaving her house for a retirement living lifestyle. This was her prerogative, of course, only we preferred that if she stayed in her home she was able to do so with a broader support network. Since she lacked that we believed she would have been an excellent candidate for community living.
Looking back, we wish we’d discussed her living situation sooner and more earnestly. What important conversations should you and your loved ones have now, rather than waiting?
Please share your thoughts or questions with me and forward this email onto someone who might benefit from reading it. If you haven’t already signed up to receive my blog direct to your email you can do so at www.elderjourneyinsights.com.
Gratefully, Donna
Cincinnati’s Historic Spring Grove Cemetery where Donna performs funerals service.
Lessons from the Sandwich Generation:
Juggling Life, Work, and Elder Care
November 17, 2025
We’ve all heard the saying, “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.” I certainly have. Recently I set out with the best of intentions to publish two blog articles every month—on the 1st and the 15th, like clockwork. Sometimes, though, life’s unexpected turns take priority, and our carefully laid plans get pushed aside. As did my blog for November 15th! Balancing Responsibilities
Sometimes writing for Elder Journey Insights takes a back seat to my work as a Life Tribute Specialist, also known as a Funeral Celebrant. Yes, I perform funerals. My role involves creating and leading funeral or memorial services for families without a church home or clergy connection. Usually, I’m asked once or twice a month, but every so often, the requests come back-to-back. Last week, I was called upon twice in just seven days. Since each service requires many hours of preparation, it left me little time for anything else—including this blog.
The Sandwich Generation Experience
This illustrates the reality that many of us face: constantly juggling multiple responsibilities. Ten years ago, I found myself managing a full household, raising my youngest child, supporting my 22-year-old daughter as she prepared for motherhood, running a small life coaching practice, and coping with a chronic pain condition. Just as I felt I was treading water in my own life, my mother-in-law and her husband began needing extra support.
Because I had the most flexible schedule, much of their care fell on me. And then right before my daughter gave birth, I took on a 25-hour-a-week job helping run our church office. That same week, my step-father-in-law had major surgery and ended up in rehab. We started visiting him regularly and looking in on my mother-in-law. Then she fell and broke her arm—another hospital stay, more visits, and somehow, I found myself working my job and logging 30 hours at the hospital in one week. I’ll never forget leaving my mother-in-law’s hospital room and meeting my daughter for her childbirth class in another area of the hospital campus, feeling like I was juggling bowling balls instead of tasks.
My husband and I joked about being the poster children for the “sandwich generation”—caught between caring for aging parents and supporting our own kids. I know I’m not alone; It’s a common story, and that, at least, is comforting.
Preparing for Elder Care
Like many families, we weren’t really prepared to take on elder care. I wish more things had been “squared away,” as my father used to say. Ironically, he hadn’t squared away power of attorney for himself or my mother, and neither had my mother-in-law. My step-father-in-law had but assigned it to relatives who were rarely present to help. What followed was a tangle of paperwork and decision-making that could have been much easier with a little foresight.
These stories aren’t meant to discourage you. If anything, they’re meant to encourage you to start those important conversations now, before a crisis hits. I’ve heard from many clients and friends who wish they’d talked with their parents about plans, finances, or medical wishes sooner, but didn’t know how to begin. It’s never too early to start preparing, and a little planning can make a world of difference.
Starting the Conversation
With the holiday season approaching, you might find yourself spending a bit more time with your parents, grandparents, or other older relatives. This is a natural opportunity to gently introduce topics that will help everyone prepare for the future. You don’t have to make it heavy—keep things light, even a bit jolly. It’s the holidays after all. Just a simple question or two can open the door to important planning.
Here are some practical conversation starters you can use:
· “Mom, Dad, if there was ever an emergency, where do you keep important documents like wills, insurance policies, or medical directives?”
· “Have you thought about what kind of support you might want if you ever needed extra help around the house?”
· “Is there anyone you’d want to make decisions for you if you couldn’t? Would you like help setting up a power of attorney?”
· “What are your wishes for health care or end-of-life decisions? Have you written them down anywhere?”
· “Are there things you’ve been putting off organizing—bank accounts, property deeds, or passwords—that we could tackle together?”
· “Would it be helpful if we made a list of important contacts—doctors, neighbors, friends—in case of an urgent situation?”
· “Can you show me around the house and point out anything you’d like me to know, just in case?”
Remember, these little chats are acts of love and respect. They can bring peace of mind to everyone involved. And if you are the “older relative” be open to these conversations and collaboration with your family members so everyone’s journey is easier. My own journey—and those of many others—has taught me that while we can’t plan for everything, we can make the road ahead a little smoother with open communication and a willingness to help one another. You’re not alone, and together, we can handle whatever life brings.
Email me at donnanollstothfang@gmail.com.
Gratefully, Donna
Get Your Ducks in a Row: Why Power of Attorney Matters
November 1, 2025
A Personal Story: Our Family’s Lesson in Preparedness
My mom kept a small bronze statuette of four ducks in a row on her writing table in Florida. I always suspected it was a reminder of her own “four ducks”—the four children she raised. The phrase “ducks in a row” often means having things organized and being prepared for whatever life brings. Yet, the irony wasn’t lost on me: as Mom’s health declined and her memory began to fade, we discovered just how many “ducks” she did not have lined up for us to most effectively help her.
Lessons Learned: Why a Will and “Transfer on Death” Weren’t Enough
Mom believed she was prepared because she had a Will and had named us on her financial accounts as “Transfer on Death” (TOD) beneficiaries. A “Transfer on Death” designation means that when the account holder passes (my mom), assets pass directly to the named beneficiaries (her children) without going through the lengthy court mandated probate process. However, these steps alone weren’t enough for us to help her while she was still alive and needed support.
The real missing piece was a Durable Power of Attorney (POA)—a legal document that lets a trusted person make decisions or handle finances and medical matters on someone else’s behalf. Despite our encouragement, Mom refused to visit an attorney to arrange one, not realizing how crucial this “duck” was.
Now that you know my experience, here’s what you need to know about Power of Attorney.
What is Power of Attorney?
A Power of Attorney (POA) is a legal document that gives someone (called the “agent” or “attorney-in-fact”) the authority to act on another person’s behalf (the “principal”) for financial, legal, or medical matters. There are two main types:
Financial Power of Attorney: Allows the agent (perhaps you) to manage bank accounts, pay bills, transfer money, handle property, and sign financial documents.
Medical (or Healthcare) Power of Attorney: Lets the agent make medical decisions, communicate with healthcare providers, and sign hospital or care facility forms if the principal is unable to do so.
For example, with a Financial POA, you can write checks, renew license plates at the DMV, or sign paperwork for a reverse mortgage. With a Medical POA, you can discuss treatment options with doctors, sign consent forms, or arrange for care if your loved one becomes incapacitated.
Why Guardianship is More Complicated
If no Power of Attorney is in place and your loved one becomes unable to manage his or her affairs, you may be forced to seek Guardianship through the court system. Guardianship is a legal process where a court appoints someone to make decisions for a person who is deemed incapacitated. Although you or a sibling would likely be named Guardian to your aging parent, this process can be lengthy and expensive, and always involves court oversight—which means less privacy, less flexibility, and greater loss of control. Having a POA in place can prevent this complicated and often stressful process.
Practical Steps: How to Obtain Power of Attorney
Start a Conversation: Talk with your loved ones about why a POA is important and what it can do. Approach the subject with empathy and focus on future planning.
Consult an Attorney: An estate planning or elder law attorney can draft comprehensive POA documents tailored to your family’s needs, including both financial and medical POAs.
Check with Your Bank or Doctor’s Office: Some banks or medical providers offer standard POA forms that can be completed and notarized on-site.
Use Reputable Online Resources: Many states allow you to use online POA forms—just ensure they’re from trusted sources, such as your state’s official website, AARP, or well-known legal aid organizations.
Notarize the Documents: Most POA forms require notarization to be valid. Some states also require witnesses.
Share Copies: Keep copies in safe but accessible places, and give them to relevant institutions (banks, doctors, etc.) as needed.
POA is nullified upon death: An important point to remember is that Power of Attorney ends at the time a person dies, at which time everything reverts to estate management unless it has been designated TOD.
Call to Action: Secure Your Family’s Ease Today
Don’t wait until a crisis makes things harder for you and your loved ones. Talk with your parents or family members about Power of Attorney. Reach out to an attorney or your bank for guidance or look for reputable online forms from your state’s legal resources or organizations like AARP. Taking these steps now will save time, money, and stress later—and ensure that your “ducks are in a row” when it matters most, both for your loved ones and for yourself.
When my mom needed to be moved to a care community and we did not have Power of Attorney for her it became very complicated. We wished we had been more insistent years earlier. It was a quite a feat to finally convince our mother to sign POAs. It’s one of the major stories in the memoir I have written about the five years we cared for her from a thousand miles away (and dozens of flights to Florida.) And the major reason I have launched my website and blog writing; to encourage others to get their ducks in a row. Don’t waddle around like timid ducklings, talk to your parents today. And get your own ducks in a row so your children don’t have to do it for you.
Gratefully yours,
Donna
When a Trick is the Only Way
October 15, 2025
October is here, the month for Tricks and Treats. Four years ago, my siblings and I needed to use a trick on our mom and let me say, it was no treat. Dementia caregiving is not child’s play. It’s serious business. And our need to “trick” our mom was a last resort decision, a decision that still tugs at my heart, and I want to share our story for anyone facing similar crossroads.
Understanding Dementia: The Unseen Challenges
Dementia is more than just memory loss. It gradually erodes a person’s ability to reason, make decisions, and even recognize their own limitations. People living with dementia often don’t realize they have a problem—a condition known as anosognosia. This lack of awareness makes conversations about safety nearly impossible. For families, it means that loved ones may adamantly resist help, believing they’re still capable of handling everything on their own. That was our mom in spades!
Family Challenges: The Long Road of Difficult Choices
We began our journey with gentle suggestions. After our father passed, Mom lived alone, and after a while we started encouraging her to downsize and consider a retirement community. She always said “No.” When her memory issues got serious enough, we organized a number of community tours, with and without her. Each time she was uninterested and annoyed by the suggestions. Were we pushing too hard, or not hard enough? The emotional toll of these conversations was heavy on all of us, and every visit with her ended with more worry than before.
Timeline ad Transitions: When Home Care Wasn’t Enough
We did everything we could to help Mom age in place, hoping she could stay in the home she loved for as long as possible. Eventually, it became clear that she was no longer safe living alone. We tried hiring a daytime health aide, thinking perhaps a little support would be enough. Unfortunately, dementia’s confusion made this impossible. Mom couldn’t remember why a stranger was in her house, leading her to call the police multiple times out of genuine fear. The idea of an around-the-clock aide was quickly ruled out—not just for the cost, but because it would have been even more distressing for her.
With none of us living nearby and every other option exhausted—including moving her in with one of us—we reached the point where professional memory care was the only safe solution.
The Move: A Difficult Plan with Love at its Core
Moving Mom was complicated by her devotion to her miniature Schnauzer, Carrie. We knew she would never agree to go anywhere without her dog. Luckily, after additional searching, I found a memory care community that welcomed both of them—a rare find. On moving day, my brother firmly told her we’d be visiting one more place. He told her that she could bring Carrie, and we’d have lunch together after the tour.
What we didn’t tell her was that the “tour” would become her new home. After lunch, we said we needed to visit the restrooms (a truthful lie)—and then didn’t come back for seven weeks. The staff, prepared and supportive, helped Mom settle in. I remember the ache of leaving her there without a proper goodbye, and the guilt that followed. Each day, the staff reassured her with a story we’d agreed upon—repeating it until, eventually, she stopped asking to go home. Only then did I return to Florida for a visit.
Aftermath and Emotion and Reflections: Living with the Decision
Was it right to trick her? The choice felt cruel but leaving her alone was unsafe and cruel in its own right. I know some will disagree with what we did. I understand their concerns. But when every option is terrible, sometimes all you can do is choose the least harmful path. We were as kind as possible in our treachery…treachery that was an act of love and meant for one purpose: to keep our mother safe.
If you’re reading this and struggling with similar decisions, please know you’re not alone. Feel free to reach out—I’m here to offer support, empathy, and understanding, because these choices are never easy, and nobody should have to face them alone.
Gratefully yours,
Donna
For My Mom on Her Birthday: Welcome to Elder Journey Insight
October 1, 2025
Today would have been my mom’s 89th birthday, and I can’t think of a more meaningful way to honor her than by launching this new space: Elder Journey Insights.
This blog, along with my speaking platform and memoir which I hope to have published in the near future, is dedicated to one purpose—helping individuals and families prepare for and navigate the many twists and turns of elder care. My hope is that what I share here will give you the tools, perspective, and encouragement I wish I’d had when my family was suddenly thrust into decisions we weren’t ready to make.
Our Family’s Turning Point
Almost six years ago, we discovered just how serious my mom’s memory decline had become. Like many families, we weren’t prepared. It was overwhelming—emotionally and logistically. Four years ago, after countless conversations, decisions, and setbacks, Mom moved into a memory care community in South Florida, not far from the home she loved.
There were days when the journey felt impossibly heavy. But there were also moments of surprising beauty—unexpected laughter, kindness from friends and strangers, and the reassurance that we were doing the best we could for someone we loved so much.
Why I’m Writing
After Mom passed away 18 months ago, I felt both the emptiness of loss and the urgency to share what we had learned. Out of that came my memoir, now seeking publication. In writing it, I realized that our story is not unique—millions of families are walking similar paths. But while the details may differ, the core challenges remain the same:
How do you prepare for what’s coming when you don’t know what to expect?
How do you balance respect for your loved one’s independence with the realities of declining health?
How do you hold on to your own life while caring for someone else’s needs?
This blog is my way of offering real stories and practical advice, so you don’t have to feel as lost or as alone as we did.
What You Can Expect Here
Twice a month, I’ll share:
Practical advice on planning, caregiving, and navigating the elder care system
Personal stories that highlight the struggles and small victories of this journey
Encouragement and resources to help you prepare for what lies ahead
I’ll also provide updates on my speaking engagements, events, and the publication of my memoir. For those of you in the Cincinnati area, I’m currently offering free speaking sessions for community groups, churches, and organizations—because I believe these conversations are too important to put off.
A Birthday Memory
Since today is my mom’s birthday, I’ll close with one story.
When she turned 85, just weeks after moving into memory care, I made the hard choice not to visit in person. I worried my presence might unsettle her and cause her to beg to go home. Instead, I sent gifts, arranged visits from friends, and ordered a cake big enough to share with all three wings or neighborhoods as they called them in her new community. Later, I heard how much she smiled that day—surrounded by new friends, enjoying her cake, and presents with her little dog by her side.
It wasn’t the birthday I had imagined, but it turned out to be one of the happiest moments of that season. And it reminded me that even in the hardest transitions, joy can still find its way in.
Walking This Journey Together
If you’re facing decisions about aging parents, caregiving, or planning ahead for your own future, I invite you to join me here. Sign up for my Blog, follow along on Instagram or Facebook, or reach out directly. You don’t have to walk this journey alone.
For my mom, on her 89th.
And for all of us learning how to love, honor, and prepare for the elder years.
With gratitude,
Donna
For my mom on her birthday Oct 1
Welcome to Elder Journey Insights
October 1st would have been my mom’s 89th birthday, and I can’t think of a more meaningful way to honor her than by launching this new space: Elder Journey Insights. (Which I did by email on October 1st. Only now adding to my website as I continue to learn the technology.)
This blog, along with my speaking platform and memoir which I hope to have published in the near future, is dedicated to one purpose—helping individuals and families prepare for and navigate the many twists and turns of elder care. My hope is that what I share here will give you the tools, perspective, and encouragement I wish I’d had when my family was suddenly thrust into decisions we weren’t ready to make.
Our Family’s Turning Point
Almost six years ago, we discovered just how serious my mom’s memory decline had become. Like many families, we weren’t prepared. It was overwhelming—emotionally and logistically. Four years ago, after countless conversations, decisions, and setbacks, Mom moved into a memory care community in South Florida, not far from the home she loved.
There were days when the journey felt impossibly heavy. But there were also moments of surprising beauty—unexpected laughter, kindness from friends and strangers, and the reassurance that we were doing the best we could for someone we loved so much.
Why I’m Writing
After Mom passed away 18 months ago, I felt both the emptiness of loss and the urgency to share what we had learned. Out of that came my memoir, now seeking publication. In writing it, I realized that our story is not unique—millions of families are walking similar paths. But while the details may differ, the core challenges remain the same:
How do you prepare for what’s coming when you don’t know what to expect?
How do you balance respect for your loved one’s independence with the realities of declining health?
How do you hold on to your own life while caring for someone else’s needs?
This blog is my way of offering real stories and practical advice, so you don’t have to feel as lost or as alone as we did.
What You Can Expect Here
Twice a month, I’ll share:
Practical advice on planning, caregiving, and navigating the elder care system
Personal stories that highlight the struggles and small victories of this journey
Encouragement and resources to help you prepare for what lies ahead
I’ll also provide updates on my speaking engagements, events, and the publication of my memoir. For those of you in the Cincinnati area, I’m currently offering free speaking sessions for community groups, churches, and organizations—because I believe these conversations are too important to put off.
A Birthday Memory
Since today is my mom’s birthday, I’ll close with one story.
When she turned 85, just weeks after moving into memory care, I made the hard choice not to visit in person. I worried my presence might unsettle her and cause her to beg to go home. Instead, I sent gifts, arranged visits from friends, and ordered a cake big enough to share with all three wings or neighborhoods as they called them in her new community. Later, I heard how much she smiled that day—surrounded by new friends, enjoying her cake, and presents with her little dog by her side.
It wasn’t the birthday I had imagined, but it turned out to be one of the happiest moments of that season. And it reminded me that even in the hardest transitions, joy can still find its way in.
Walking This Journey Together
If you’re facing decisions about aging parents, caregiving, or planning ahead for your own future, I invite you to join me here. Sign up for my Blog, follow along on Instagram or Facebook, or reach out directly. You don’t have to walk this journey alone.
For my mom, on her 89th.
And for all of us learning how to love, honor, and prepare for the elder years.
With gratitude,
Donna
Welcome
When my mother began getting lost while out driving, my siblings and I didn’t know what to do. Our father was deceased and we all lived far away, hundreds and for some of us thousands of miles away. That was the beginning of a four and half year ordeal with many twists and turn. So many in fact, I began to ponder the idea of sharing what we had learned so others might have an easier journey when their loved ones start to decline. I decided first to write a book which I am still finalizing, and then I moved onto the idea of writing a blog and seeking speaking engagements to community groups as an elder care concerns advocate. I have created this website to promote all of these related endeavors including my work as a Certified Life Tribute Celebrant. I plan to post two blogs a month and welcome you to join my mailing list so I can let you know when I have posted something new. I am a member of the Ohio Chapter of the National Speakers Association and continue to develop my concepts and speaker’s platform.
My interest in things related to aging and elder care is a perfect complement to my freelance work as a Life Tribute Celebrant which I have been doing since September of 2018. I prepare and lead funerals and memorial services for families who don’t have a church home/pastor or any particular religious affiliation yet would like a beautifully prepared send off for their loved ones. I prepare religious and secular style services based on the needs of each family. Primarily, I work with Cincinnati’s Historic Spring Grove Cemetery and Funeral home but I have also worked with other funeralate the aging process. Please share what you have learned with others so they will also benefit from knowing more abou homes and private individuals who have learned about my services.
I hope over the coming months you will find my blogposts informative and useful as you and your loved ones navigt what to expect and what to do as time passages lead us each to face the elder years, either our own or the elder years of those we love.