Ilia Malinin prepares to skate his short program at the Milan- Cortina 2026 Winter Olympics. Photo Courtesy of Diana Behrendt, friend and Olympic spectator.
Olympic Dreams Can Come True at Any Age
February 15, 2026
Last week, my friend Diana had the incredible opportunity to attend the Olympics. When she returned, she sent me a text inviting my husband and me to join her and her husband for dinner on Valentine’s night. My playful response was, “So you can brag about going to the Olympics??? I don’t think so.” Of course, I was joking—and I made sure to add plenty of laughing emojis so she’d know it!
Later Years, New Adventures
At dinner, I truly enjoyed hearing about their four adventurous days in Milan, Italy. Diana and her husband saw Ilia Malinin skate the short program in men’s figure skating, and they were so close to the rink that Diana snapped a fantastic photo of Ilia right before he skated to center ice to begin his performance. They also witnessed speedskater Jordan Stolz win Gold and set an Olympic Record.
What made their story even more inspiring is that Diana and her husband aren’t “movers and shakers.” They’re ordinary, middle-class folks—just like my husband and me. Now, as empty nesters, they have a little more flexibility than they used to, and decided to treat themselves to this trip, something they’d never done before.
You might be wondering what this has to do with insights on elder care. In my view, it has everything to do with it. Their adventure really got me thinking about how important it is for people approaching their senior years to embrace new experiences.
Breaking Out of Old Patterns
My friends aren’t quite elders yet, but they’re in their late 50s and mid-60s. They’re still healthy, energetic, and now have a bit more means than before. They’ve chosen to prioritize themselves and finally do things they’d only ever dreamed about. Truly, if not now, when?
People can easily get stuck in their ways, focusing on what’s right in front of them instead of what could lie ahead. The possibilities can feel intimidating—new things we’ve always wanted to try but now seem a little scary. Yet, trying is exactly what we need. It stretches our mental muscles, and once stretched, anything feels possible. One thing leads to another, and before you know it, you’re an active retired senior, not a tired, inactive one. Which would you rather be?
Preparing for the Future While Enjoying the Present
There are no guarantees in life, but research shows the benefits of staying active as we get older. We’ve all heard the phrase from that TV commercial: “A body in motion tends to stay in motion.” Isn’t that what we all want? By trying new things, we keep ourselves moving—and that alone can help stave off degeneration of mind, body, and spirit.
If we’re lucky enough to age well into our elder years, we need to be prepared. Have your Will and Power of Attorney documents in place. Make sure you have some money in the bank. But, in the meantime, don’t forget to enjoy yourself. You’ve earned it.
Looking Forward
So, what new adventure will you try this year?
The Olympics have one more week to go!
Do you believe in miracles?!
Until next time. Gratefully yours,
Donna
It never occurred to me to take a photograph of the sign where my mother live for the last 31 months of her life. But here is an example of a beautiful sign and appropriately labeled senior living “community” !
Is it Facility or Community? Words Matter.
February 1, 2026
THE POWER OF LANGUAGE IN THE SENIOR LIVING WORLD
Not long ago, I saw a TV commercial for a senior living place that used the word “facility” in its advertisement. I cringed. Hearing that word on air made me wonder how such language still slips into public conversation—and how the people living in that community would feel about it if they knew!
Words matter—deeply. They shape how we see a place, how we feel about those who live there, and even how residents see themselves.
Think about it: If someone asks you, “Where do you live?” you’re likely to answer with “a house,” “a condominium,” or “an apartment.”
No one would say, “I live in a facility,” and who would want to? So why do we use that word when describing places where our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, or friends live in their later years?
Yet, when our loved ones move into a place that fits their retirement years or changing bodies, we often still call those places “facilities.” It’s a word that carries the chill of institutions, not the warmth of home.
When my mom moved into a memory care community, I made a conscious choice to call it a community. It already felt hard enough for her to leave her beloved home of 35 years; I refused to make it harder by using language that stripped away her dignity. Calling her new place a community was more than semantics—it was an act of respect, a way to help her feel valued despite the major change in her life.
Officially, Mom moved to The Sheridan at Cooper City: An Assisted Living Community. The sign out front said “community,” not “nursing home” or “facility.” Inside, older adults lived together and got the help they needed, but it felt like a neighborhood—like home. There were individual “homes” built around central meeting places, and in the memory care area, three hallways of apartments were called neighborhoods. Each neighborhood had its own living room, dining room, and kitchen. A beautiful courtyard with a walking path connected the neighborhoods.
Mom’s apartment was cozy—a large single space with a bathroom, bed, nightstand, dresser, television, an overstuffed side chair, and a bench with baskets underneath. We always called it her apartment instead of her room, even though “room” was easier to say. I slipped sometimes, but I tried to remember, because those words mattered. I wanted Mom to feel dignified, not diminished, as she adjusted to her new home. The language we used was part of maintaining that dignity
Not all senior living communities are created equal. We were lucky—Mom’s was one of the nicer ones. But even places that look more like a “facility” than a community deserve respect. Many older buildings were designed in a time when nursing care meant hospital-like environments and many of those are still in use today. But language can help us shape reality: The more we call a place a community, the more we work to make it feel like one for those who live there.
PERSON-CENTERED LANGUAGE: More Than Semantics
My mom’s story reflects a broader shift happening in elder care—one where language shapes not just perceptions but actual life experiences. This shift in word use is called person-centered language and it is gaining ground across the country. It’s about more than swapping out words. It’s about believing in what those words stand for. It’s about creating environments where respect and dignity come naturally. These are modifiers at the core of person-centered language:
Instead of Facility/Institution, use Community, Home, or Neighborhood.
Instead of Patient, use Resident, Person, Individual, or Member.
Instead of Elderly, use Older adults, Seniors, or Elders.
Instead of Handicapped, use Person with a disability.
Instead of Alzheimer’s or Dementia Unit, use Memory Care or Memory Support Area.
Instead of Dining Room, use Restaurant, Cafe, or Bistro.
Of course, not every suggestion fits every person’s idea of home—personally, I like “dining room” because it feels homey. After all, who eats at a restaurant or bistro every day? (But I do appreciate communities that offer various dining choices, because having options gives residents agency over their daily lives but that’s a whole other topic!)
WORDS IMPACT WELL-BEING
Studies even show that when older adults are called “residents” instead of “patients,” they report feeling more respected and at home. One research article found that when staff members use person-centered language they are more likely to foster positive relationships with residents, leading to better overall well-being and satisfaction. For families, hearing their loved one referred to as a “community member” rather than “patient” or “facility resident” can ease feelings of guilt and anxiety about the transition. It’s not just about feeling good—it’s about supporting mental health, self-esteem, and genuine connection for both the residents and their loved ones.
NORMALIZING THE TERMINOLOGY OF TOMORROW
Language matters. It honors people, their stories, their histories and their very lives. As caregivers, families, and community members, we have the power to shape the experiences of those living in care communities through the words we choose. Let’s commit to intentional language choices making dignity the foundation of every conversation in elder care. Our efforts today will create the normal language of tomorrow.
Please email your thoughts on this and where you are attempting to use person-centered language. We can do this together to benefit us all.
Gratefully, Donna
In Uncertain Times Two Things Remain Certain: Death and Taxes
January 16, 2026
Some people are saying that we are living in uncertain times. While there are always regions in the world experiencing strife, conflict, and instability, it does feels as though certain things in our own country are particularly “off” compared to how we have traditionally viewed them. Yet despite these uncertainties, there are two things we can always count on: Death and Taxes. It’s January, which means your tax documents will soon arrive in the mail, and inevitably, someone you know—or know of—will pass away this year. How can we be prepared for these certainties?
Preparing for Tax Season
Dealing with taxes is the simpler of the two certainties. You know what to do. Start a file folder, whether physical or digital, to collect all your 2025 tax documents. Order your preferred tax software, such as TurboTax, H&R Block, TaxSlayer or E-File. If you use an accountant or a local tax preparation service, gather your tax information as early in February as possible and drop it off at a tax office near you; maybe even the one with the dancing mascot on the street corner! Your choice, of course! For those earning less than $84,000 a year, there are programs that offer free tax assistance. My husband and daughter have both volunteered with VITA (Volunteer Income Tax Assistance), where certified IRS preparers help at locations like public libraries. Check online or ask your librarian. No matter what your tax situation, though, this is the easier of the two certainties to address.
Confronting Death
The more challenging certainty is death. We all face it eventually. A therapist colleague recently described the topics I write about as “confronting,” and I realized just how correct she was. In this sense, to confront means “to cause to meet; bring face-to-face,” such as confronting someone with statistics or, in this case, with the reality of death.
Between November 1 and December 29, I was confronted by death eight times. I witnessed profound loss for many people. I performed four services at Spring Grove Cemetery—including one for a friend’s mother—faced the death of a 40-year-old community theater friend of my son, attended a funeral for another friend’s father, learned of the passing of yet another friend’s mother, and heard that a father figure to my nephew-in-law had died three days before Christmas. After leading a service on December 29, I was emotionally exhausted. I think I am still working to regain my balance even now in mid-January.
My experience may be unusual—given my profession—but everyone must face death, and statistically, most of us will encounter it in some way this year. It could be a co-worker’s mother or someone in your immediate family. Death is certain, but it is also a natural part of life. My role is to remind you of that truth. None of us can go through life without facing it.
Emotional and Practical Preparedness
Accepting and confronting the reality of death demonstrates emotional maturity. Taking the next step—being practically prepared—shows maturity in handling life’s responsibilities. So I ask you, do you have a legal Last Will and Testament? Do your loved ones know about it, and would they be able to locate it when the time comes? Do your parents have a Will, and could you find it if necessary? Is it in a safe deposit box, and if so, where is the key? If it is in a safe at home, who has the combination? Addressing these details makes things easier for those we leave behind when we are confronted by death.
Taking Action: Make the Year Count
If you already have a Will, congratulations—you are among the minority. In fact, about 70% of people do not have a Last Will and Testament. Their families may face some challenges because of this lack of preparation. But if you are in that 70%, as long as you are still alive, well, it’s not too late to get it done! Death can be confronting, but it is also confusing if you are not ready Get ready while you still can!. Let 2026 be the year you create your Will, because the only things we can be certain of are Death and Taxes.
Gratefully yours, Donna
My big attic and basement clear out in 2020
You can start with just a junk drawer!
THE NEW YEAR’S CHALLENGE OF PARING AND PITCHING
January 2, 2025
Season’s Greetings! While it may seem unusual to offer such a greeting on January 2nd—traditionally more of a December sentiment—I like to think of the start of the new calendar year as the beginning of a fresh season. This time of year naturally invites us to pursue new beginnings, inspiring us to set New Year’s resolutions and seek out fresh starts. Truly, it is a new season in more ways than one.
New Year, New Season and The Art of Paring and Pitching
On December 15th, I shared the story of saying goodbye to our family’s heirloom piano—a meaningful and challenging step in the journey of clearing away clutter and letting go of possessions that no longer serve us. At that time, I promised to remind you that the start of the new year is a wonderful opportunity to begin this process. I call it "Paring and Pitching": the act of reducing your possessions and letting go of what you no longer need. This is also an ideal time for sorting, organizing, and labeling the items you keep.
Facing the Reality of Change
As we or our loved ones grow older, the reality sets in that life is finite. With that, we have a responsibility to manage the belongings we have gathered throughout our lives. Managing our possessions doesn’t mean disposing of everything; rather, it means thoughtfully handling our things. Consider how you might better organize your belongings now, so that, when the time comes to part with them, the process will be much smoother.
Inspiration from around the World
It doesn’t have to be done one way. Combining organizational approaches can be more effective. For instance, Margareta Magnussen’s The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter encourages us, around age sixty, to begin paring down to the essentials so our children are not left with a burdensome task. (I mentioned Swedish Death Cleaning in my last blogpost.) In contrast, Marie Kondo’s The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Cleaning and Decluttering suggests letting go of items at any stage of life when they no longer bring joy or serve a purpose and then better organizing what remains.
Letting Go vs Organizing
These two philosophies are not mutually exclusive. For instance, while I parted with the piano, I also installed shelves in several closets to better organize what I still have and use. By labeling boxes and bins, everyone knows exactly what lies within!
Looking ahead, when I retire from work that requires office supplies, it will be simple to let go of those items because they are already separated from other belongings. Similarly, when my “making days” days are behind me, I will be able to donate my crafting materials, which are already organized together.
Preparing for the Future
Some belongings—like a couple totes of keepsakes from my children’s childhoods—remain in attic storage, waiting for the right moment. One day, those items may be show and tell for future grandchildren before being donated or discarded. While some moms I know have already parted with all their children’s keepsakes, I’m not quite ready, and that’s perfectly fine. The important thing is being organized for when that time arrives.
Family heirlooms can be labeled or notated so that adult children understand their sentimental and financial value. If these items remain after we’re gone, clear labeling will help our loved ones more easily manage them.
Modern Tools for This Task
With the ubiquity of digital cameras on our phones, it’s easier than ever to photograph and label items. These photos can then be easily organized into virtual folders, further simplifying the process of keeping track of important possessions.
Some people may need assistance with decluttering and organizing, and there are professionals who offer such services for a fee. If you need help and it’s within your means, these experts can be found through a quick internet search.
A Nice Nudge from Me
However you choose to approach it, January is an excellent time for some "Paring and Pitching." I promised I’d nudge you about that so consider yourself, well, nudged. Now go find something to throw out or label as we all responsibly embrace this new year together!
Gratefully yours, Donna
A JOURNEY WITH THE FAMILY PIANO: We Can Do Hard Things
December 15, 2025
Last week, I made the difficult decision to let go of my family’s heirloom piano which was not an easy thing for me to do.
A PIANO STORY
The piano was 115 years old. I’m not sure exactly when it entered our family, but my mother and her sister both took piano lessons on it in the 1940s, so I know my grandparents had it by then, if not earlier. (And if may have come from another family member.) In 1970, when my grandparents moved to Florida, the piano came to live with us. Later, in 1987, when my parents also moved to Florida, they left the piano to me.
Even though I never learned to play well, I was determined not to let the piano go. Before my parents’ belongings headed south, the moving truck dropped the piano at the house my husband and I had just bought. For years, I jingled around on it and used it to tap out arpeggios when I took up singing lessons. Then when my kids came along, I had piano dreams for them that never came true.
Still, I couldn’t bring myself to part with this piece of musical furniture. It looked impressive and served as a beautiful display for decorative items, family photos, and my Christmas village. Eventually, I stopped having it tuned and hoped one day to replace it with a small grand piano—telling myself I’d finally learn to play again (and better!) when my kids were older. However, the space, time, and money for my grand dreams never materialized. Over time, the old piano became more of a glorified shelf, and its bench a nightly coat rack.
MOVING AND FACING THE MUSIC
Two years ago, we moved to a new house that wasn’t well suited for a piano. Still, the idea of leaving it behind, along with all the memories from my childhood and my years raising my children, was too much to bear. I also couldn’t stand the thought of it being hauled off to the dump, so the piano moved with us. As the grief I felt from the actual move faded, I found myself wrestling with what to do about the piano again.
I found a company that does complete restorations, and for about $10,000, I could have the piano transformed into a playable showpiece, worthy of a spot in my less-than-ideal-for-a-piano new house. But for that same amount, I could buy an impressive grand piano, take an amazing vacation, install hardwood floors, or even get a hot tub! Did spending that much simply to keep the memory of the instrument alive in our family make sense? For me, the answer was finally “no.”
ACCEPTANCE AND RECYLING
It took years to reach that decision. I needed time to grow older and recognize my responsibility to manage my belongings, not leaving a mess for my children. In Sweden, they call this process “Death Cleaning,” and people start around age 60. I’m right on schedule with the Swedish Death Cleaning process. I hope to live much longer, but with fewer possessions and fewer worries about what my kids will have to deal with when I’m gone. Paring down comes in stages, and I knew the time had come for the piano to go.
To ease the sorrow of parting, I found someone who creates keepsakes from old pianos. Our piano was unique in that it had a 5-inch mirror running the length of the 88 keys. (You can see that in the photo above.) My piano craftsman will mount the mirror on wood from the piano to make a wall hanging. He will also reuse as much wood as possible and recycle the harp with a metal recycling company. I could not imagine my family piano being dumped whole into a landfill simply because it had outlived its “tunefulness.” Recycling as many piano parts as possible is best for the environment, and in my case also best for the “soul.”
DECLUTTERING AND LEGACY
What creative ways can you use for family heirlooms to give them new meaning and life while not burdening the next generation? How can you begin your own process of Swedish Death Cleaning? How can you encourage your parents to start sorting through their things? The internet is full of information on how to get started. All it takes is a single search. What are you waiting for? Okay, maybe Christmas! Fair enough! The period following the holiday season is a wonderful time to begin clearing and organizing.
I’ll remind you on January 1st. Until then, Happy Holiday Season any way you celebrate! And remember to share my blogs with your friends. We can do hard things together.
Gratefully, Donna
Reflections on “A Man on the Inside” and Senior Living
December 2, 2025
If you have Netflix, you may be interested in catching Ted Dansen in the delightful new sitcom “A Man on the Inside.” Over Thanksgiving weekend, I watched Season Two, and I found both seasons to be highly entertaining for viewers of any age. However, as someone in her 60s, I was especially moved by the show’s interwoven themes of aging, vitality, love, community and intergenerational connection.
Ted Dansen on Aging with Grace
In season one, Ted Dansen plays Charles, a widower and former engineer who becomes a private investigator. Charles takes on the case of a missing necklace at the Pacific View Retirement Community. Many of us remember Ted Dansen from his younger days as Sam Malone, the charming bartender in “Cheers” during the 1980s—a time when we were all younger. Now, time has passed, and Dansen’s once brown hair has turned to a graceful white. He stands out in Hollywood as someone who embraces the natural aging process, proudly wearing the evidence of his 77 years.
Dansen’s acceptance of aging is reflected in his choice to star in “A Man on the Inside,” where he portrays a 70-something widower searching for renewed purpose. In season one, Charles temporarily moves into a retirement community as a spy to solve the mystery of the missing necklace. At the season’s end, Charles returns to his suburban home but continues to nurture friendships formed during his time in the community. Season Two sees Charles back in action, investigating a new case at a local college while the retirement community remains an important part of his life.
Green Pastures Full of Life
“A Man on the Inside” has received positive recognition, with Rotten Tomatoes giving the first and second seasons ratings of 96% and 91%, respectively. The site commented, “Tailor-made to suit Ted Dansen's estimable strengths, this warm and witty sitcom discovers a lot of life left in those who've been put out to pasture.”
The phrase “put out to pasture” is often seen as negative, but the metaphor of racehorses enjoying green pastures at the end of their careers can also signify a period of relaxation, freedom, and personal choice later in life. Shouldn’t we all look forward to carefree days and fulfilling activities (like secret spy work!) after the long race of life?
Personal Reflections
The show prompted me to reflect on my own family. Sometimes, I wonder how things might have been different for my mother if she had chosen community living after my father passed away. I believe she might have felt less lonely and stayed more active, possibly delaying the onset of dementia, as engaging in activities is beneficial to brain health. While we can’t know that for sure, I believe that a community lifestyle could have added great value to her later years.
Here are some reasons why anyone over 60 might find community living beneficial whether it’s a local retirement community or the infamous Villages in Florida and Arizona where entire “towns” of 55 and older folks have been created.
Key Advantages of Senior Living Communities
Connection and Community
· Social Interaction: Senior living communities offer residents the chance to connect with neighbors through a variety of activities, programs, and outings.
· Sense of Belonging: Living among peers creates a supportive environment, reduces loneliness and isolation, and enhances feelings of value and worth.
Health and Wellness
· Well-Being Focus: These communities promote whole-person wellness through programs that support physical, mental, and emotional health.
· Access to Care: Many senior living options provide convenient access to healthcare services, ensuring residents receive support as their needs evolve.
Maintenance-Free Living
· Reduced Responsibilities: Residents benefit from maintenance-free living, as housekeeping, yard work, and other chores are typically managed by the community.
· Consolidated Expenses: Traditional senior communities can simplify finances by combining housing costs, utilities, and meals into one monthly payment.
Safety and Security
· Secure Environment: Senior living communities generally offer a safe environment with security personnel and emergency response systems.
· Peace of Mind: Residents enjoy peace of mind knowing help is available if needed.
These advantages make senior living communities an attractive, even logical, choice for older adults seeking an active, engaged lifestyle.
Final Thoughts
My mom cherished her modest ranch style home on Florida’s intercoastal waterway, enjoying the scenery, sunsets and wildlife. But as she grew older and after my dad died she spent less and less time with other people. And although she wouldn’t admit it she became more sheepish about air travel so visiting her four kids came to an end; since we all worked and had families it was hard for us to visit frequently. As we watched our mother’s world diminish, she still resisted the idea of leaving her house for a retirement living lifestyle. This was her prerogative, of course, only we preferred that if she stayed in her home she was able to do so with a broader support network. Since she lacked that we believed she would have been an excellent candidate for community living.
Looking back, we wish we’d discussed her living situation sooner and more earnestly. What important conversations should you and your loved ones have now, rather than waiting?
Please share your thoughts or questions with me and forward this email onto someone who might benefit from reading it. If you haven’t already signed up to receive my blog direct to your email you can do so at www.elderjourneyinsights.com.
Gratefully, Donna
Cincinnati’s Historic Spring Grove Cemetery where Donna performs funerals service.
Lessons from the Sandwich Generation:
Juggling Life, Work, and Elder Care
November 17, 2025
We’ve all heard the saying, “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.” I certainly have. Recently I set out with the best of intentions to publish two blog articles every month—on the 1st and the 15th, like clockwork. Sometimes, though, life’s unexpected turns take priority, and our carefully laid plans get pushed aside. As did my blog for November 15th! Balancing Responsibilities
Sometimes writing for Elder Journey Insights takes a back seat to my work as a Life Tribute Specialist, also known as a Funeral Celebrant. Yes, I perform funerals. My role involves creating and leading funeral or memorial services for families without a church home or clergy connection. Usually, I’m asked once or twice a month, but every so often, the requests come back-to-back. Last week, I was called upon twice in just seven days. Since each service requires many hours of preparation, it left me little time for anything else—including this blog.
The Sandwich Generation Experience
This illustrates the reality that many of us face: constantly juggling multiple responsibilities. Ten years ago, I found myself managing a full household, raising my youngest child, supporting my 22-year-old daughter as she prepared for motherhood, running a small life coaching practice, and coping with a chronic pain condition. Just as I felt I was treading water in my own life, my mother-in-law and her husband began needing extra support.
Because I had the most flexible schedule, much of their care fell on me. And then right before my daughter gave birth, I took on a 25-hour-a-week job helping run our church office. That same week, my step-father-in-law had major surgery and ended up in rehab. We started visiting him regularly and looking in on my mother-in-law. Then she fell and broke her arm—another hospital stay, more visits, and somehow, I found myself working my job and logging 30 hours at the hospital in one week. I’ll never forget leaving my mother-in-law’s hospital room and meeting my daughter for her childbirth class in another area of the hospital campus, feeling like I was juggling bowling balls instead of tasks.
My husband and I joked about being the poster children for the “sandwich generation”—caught between caring for aging parents and supporting our own kids. I know I’m not alone; It’s a common story, and that, at least, is comforting.
Preparing for Elder Care
Like many families, we weren’t really prepared to take on elder care. I wish more things had been “squared away,” as my father used to say. Ironically, he hadn’t squared away power of attorney for himself or my mother, and neither had my mother-in-law. My step-father-in-law had but assigned it to relatives who were rarely present to help. What followed was a tangle of paperwork and decision-making that could have been much easier with a little foresight.
These stories aren’t meant to discourage you. If anything, they’re meant to encourage you to start those important conversations now, before a crisis hits. I’ve heard from many clients and friends who wish they’d talked with their parents about plans, finances, or medical wishes sooner, but didn’t know how to begin. It’s never too early to start preparing, and a little planning can make a world of difference.
Starting the Conversation
With the holiday season approaching, you might find yourself spending a bit more time with your parents, grandparents, or other older relatives. This is a natural opportunity to gently introduce topics that will help everyone prepare for the future. You don’t have to make it heavy—keep things light, even a bit jolly. It’s the holidays after all. Just a simple question or two can open the door to important planning.
Here are some practical conversation starters you can use:
· “Mom, Dad, if there was ever an emergency, where do you keep important documents like wills, insurance policies, or medical directives?”
· “Have you thought about what kind of support you might want if you ever needed extra help around the house?”
· “Is there anyone you’d want to make decisions for you if you couldn’t? Would you like help setting up a power of attorney?”
· “What are your wishes for health care or end-of-life decisions? Have you written them down anywhere?”
· “Are there things you’ve been putting off organizing—bank accounts, property deeds, or passwords—that we could tackle together?”
· “Would it be helpful if we made a list of important contacts—doctors, neighbors, friends—in case of an urgent situation?”
· “Can you show me around the house and point out anything you’d like me to know, just in case?”
Remember, these little chats are acts of love and respect. They can bring peace of mind to everyone involved. And if you are the “older relative” be open to these conversations and collaboration with your family members so everyone’s journey is easier. My own journey—and those of many others—has taught me that while we can’t plan for everything, we can make the road ahead a little smoother with open communication and a willingness to help one another. You’re not alone, and together, we can handle whatever life brings.
Email me at donnanollstothfang@gmail.com.
Gratefully, Donna
Get Your Ducks in a Row: Why Power of Attorney Matters
November 1, 2025
A Personal Story: Our Family’s Lesson in Preparedness
My mom kept a small bronze statuette of four ducks in a row on her writing table in Florida. I always suspected it was a reminder of her own “four ducks”—the four children she raised. The phrase “ducks in a row” often means having things organized and being prepared for whatever life brings. Yet, the irony wasn’t lost on me: as Mom’s health declined and her memory began to fade, we discovered just how many “ducks” she did not have lined up for us to most effectively help her.
Lessons Learned: Why a Will and “Transfer on Death” Weren’t Enough
Mom believed she was prepared because she had a Will and had named us on her financial accounts as “Transfer on Death” (TOD) beneficiaries. A “Transfer on Death” designation means that when the account holder passes (my mom), assets pass directly to the named beneficiaries (her children) without going through the lengthy court mandated probate process. However, these steps alone weren’t enough for us to help her while she was still alive and needed support.
The real missing piece was a Durable Power of Attorney (POA)—a legal document that lets a trusted person make decisions or handle finances and medical matters on someone else’s behalf. Despite our encouragement, Mom refused to visit an attorney to arrange one, not realizing how crucial this “duck” was.
Now that you know my experience, here’s what you need to know about Power of Attorney.
What is Power of Attorney?
A Power of Attorney (POA) is a legal document that gives someone (called the “agent” or “attorney-in-fact”) the authority to act on another person’s behalf (the “principal”) for financial, legal, or medical matters. There are two main types:
Financial Power of Attorney: Allows the agent (perhaps you) to manage bank accounts, pay bills, transfer money, handle property, and sign financial documents.
Medical (or Healthcare) Power of Attorney: Lets the agent make medical decisions, communicate with healthcare providers, and sign hospital or care facility forms if the principal is unable to do so.
For example, with a Financial POA, you can write checks, renew license plates at the DMV, or sign paperwork for a reverse mortgage. With a Medical POA, you can discuss treatment options with doctors, sign consent forms, or arrange for care if your loved one becomes incapacitated.
Why Guardianship is More Complicated
If no Power of Attorney is in place and your loved one becomes unable to manage his or her affairs, you may be forced to seek Guardianship through the court system. Guardianship is a legal process where a court appoints someone to make decisions for a person who is deemed incapacitated. Although you or a sibling would likely be named Guardian to your aging parent, this process can be lengthy and expensive, and always involves court oversight—which means less privacy, less flexibility, and greater loss of control. Having a POA in place can prevent this complicated and often stressful process.
Practical Steps: How to Obtain Power of Attorney
Start a Conversation: Talk with your loved ones about why a POA is important and what it can do. Approach the subject with empathy and focus on future planning.
Consult an Attorney: An estate planning or elder law attorney can draft comprehensive POA documents tailored to your family’s needs, including both financial and medical POAs.
Check with Your Bank or Doctor’s Office: Some banks or medical providers offer standard POA forms that can be completed and notarized on-site.
Use Reputable Online Resources: Many states allow you to use online POA forms—just ensure they’re from trusted sources, such as your state’s official website, AARP, or well-known legal aid organizations.
Notarize the Documents: Most POA forms require notarization to be valid. Some states also require witnesses.
Share Copies: Keep copies in safe but accessible places, and give them to relevant institutions (banks, doctors, etc.) as needed.
POA is nullified upon death: An important point to remember is that Power of Attorney ends at the time a person dies, at which time everything reverts to estate management unless it has been designated TOD.
Call to Action: Secure Your Family’s Ease Today
Don’t wait until a crisis makes things harder for you and your loved ones. Talk with your parents or family members about Power of Attorney. Reach out to an attorney or your bank for guidance or look for reputable online forms from your state’s legal resources or organizations like AARP. Taking these steps now will save time, money, and stress later—and ensure that your “ducks are in a row” when it matters most, both for your loved ones and for yourself.
When my mom needed to be moved to a care community and we did not have Power of Attorney for her it became very complicated. We wished we had been more insistent years earlier. It was a quite a feat to finally convince our mother to sign POAs. It’s one of the major stories in the memoir I have written about the five years we cared for her from a thousand miles away (and dozens of flights to Florida.) And the major reason I have launched my website and blog writing; to encourage others to get their ducks in a row. Don’t waddle around like timid ducklings, talk to your parents today. And get your own ducks in a row so your children don’t have to do it for you.
Gratefully yours,
Donna
When a Trick is the Only Way
October 15, 2025
October is here, the month for Tricks and Treats. Four years ago, my siblings and I needed to use a trick on our mom and let me say, it was no treat. Dementia caregiving is not child’s play. It’s serious business. And our need to “trick” our mom was a last resort decision, a decision that still tugs at my heart, and I want to share our story for anyone facing similar crossroads.
Understanding Dementia: The Unseen Challenges
Dementia is more than just memory loss. It gradually erodes a person’s ability to reason, make decisions, and even recognize their own limitations. People living with dementia often don’t realize they have a problem—a condition known as anosognosia. This lack of awareness makes conversations about safety nearly impossible. For families, it means that loved ones may adamantly resist help, believing they’re still capable of handling everything on their own. That was our mom in spades!
Family Challenges: The Long Road of Difficult Choices
We began our journey with gentle suggestions. After our father passed, Mom lived alone, and after a while we started encouraging her to downsize and consider a retirement community. She always said “No.” When her memory issues got serious enough, we organized a number of community tours, with and without her. Each time she was uninterested and annoyed by the suggestions. Were we pushing too hard, or not hard enough? The emotional toll of these conversations was heavy on all of us, and every visit with her ended with more worry than before.
Timeline ad Transitions: When Home Care Wasn’t Enough
We did everything we could to help Mom age in place, hoping she could stay in the home she loved for as long as possible. Eventually, it became clear that she was no longer safe living alone. We tried hiring a daytime health aide, thinking perhaps a little support would be enough. Unfortunately, dementia’s confusion made this impossible. Mom couldn’t remember why a stranger was in her house, leading her to call the police multiple times out of genuine fear. The idea of an around-the-clock aide was quickly ruled out—not just for the cost, but because it would have been even more distressing for her.
With none of us living nearby and every other option exhausted—including moving her in with one of us—we reached the point where professional memory care was the only safe solution.
The Move: A Difficult Plan with Love at its Core
Moving Mom was complicated by her devotion to her miniature Schnauzer, Carrie. We knew she would never agree to go anywhere without her dog. Luckily, after additional searching, I found a memory care community that welcomed both of them—a rare find. On moving day, my brother firmly told her we’d be visiting one more place. He told her that she could bring Carrie, and we’d have lunch together after the tour.
What we didn’t tell her was that the “tour” would become her new home. After lunch, we said we needed to visit the restrooms (a truthful lie)—and then didn’t come back for seven weeks. The staff, prepared and supportive, helped Mom settle in. I remember the ache of leaving her there without a proper goodbye, and the guilt that followed. Each day, the staff reassured her with a story we’d agreed upon—repeating it until, eventually, she stopped asking to go home. Only then did I return to Florida for a visit.
Aftermath and Emotion and Reflections: Living with the Decision
Was it right to trick her? The choice felt cruel but leaving her alone was unsafe and cruel in its own right. I know some will disagree with what we did. I understand their concerns. But when every option is terrible, sometimes all you can do is choose the least harmful path. We were as kind as possible in our treachery…treachery that was an act of love and meant for one purpose: to keep our mother safe.
If you’re reading this and struggling with similar decisions, please know you’re not alone. Feel free to reach out—I’m here to offer support, empathy, and understanding, because these choices are never easy, and nobody should have to face them alone.
Gratefully yours,
Donna
For My Mom on Her Birthday: Welcome to Elder Journey Insight
October 1, 2025
Today would have been my mom’s 89th birthday, and I can’t think of a more meaningful way to honor her than by launching this new space: Elder Journey Insights.
This blog, along with my speaking platform and memoir which I hope to have published in the near future, is dedicated to one purpose—helping individuals and families prepare for and navigate the many twists and turns of elder care. My hope is that what I share here will give you the tools, perspective, and encouragement I wish I’d had when my family was suddenly thrust into decisions we weren’t ready to make.
Our Family’s Turning Point
Almost six years ago, we discovered just how serious my mom’s memory decline had become. Like many families, we weren’t prepared. It was overwhelming—emotionally and logistically. Four years ago, after countless conversations, decisions, and setbacks, Mom moved into a memory care community in South Florida, not far from the home she loved.
There were days when the journey felt impossibly heavy. But there were also moments of surprising beauty—unexpected laughter, kindness from friends and strangers, and the reassurance that we were doing the best we could for someone we loved so much.
Why I’m Writing
After Mom passed away 18 months ago, I felt both the emptiness of loss and the urgency to share what we had learned. Out of that came my memoir, now seeking publication. In writing it, I realized that our story is not unique—millions of families are walking similar paths. But while the details may differ, the core challenges remain the same:
How do you prepare for what’s coming when you don’t know what to expect?
How do you balance respect for your loved one’s independence with the realities of declining health?
How do you hold on to your own life while caring for someone else’s needs?
This blog is my way of offering real stories and practical advice, so you don’t have to feel as lost or as alone as we did.
What You Can Expect Here
Twice a month, I’ll share:
Practical advice on planning, caregiving, and navigating the elder care system
Personal stories that highlight the struggles and small victories of this journey
Encouragement and resources to help you prepare for what lies ahead
I’ll also provide updates on my speaking engagements, events, and the publication of my memoir. For those of you in the Cincinnati area, I’m currently offering free speaking sessions for community groups, churches, and organizations—because I believe these conversations are too important to put off.
A Birthday Memory
Since today is my mom’s birthday, I’ll close with one story.
When she turned 85, just weeks after moving into memory care, I made the hard choice not to visit in person. I worried my presence might unsettle her and cause her to beg to go home. Instead, I sent gifts, arranged visits from friends, and ordered a cake big enough to share with all three wings or neighborhoods as they called them in her new community. Later, I heard how much she smiled that day—surrounded by new friends, enjoying her cake, and presents with her little dog by her side.
It wasn’t the birthday I had imagined, but it turned out to be one of the happiest moments of that season. And it reminded me that even in the hardest transitions, joy can still find its way in.
Walking This Journey Together
If you’re facing decisions about aging parents, caregiving, or planning ahead for your own future, I invite you to join me here. Sign up for my Blog, follow along on Instagram or Facebook, or reach out directly. You don’t have to walk this journey alone.
For my mom, on her 89th.
And for all of us learning how to love, honor, and prepare for the elder years.
With gratitude,
Donna
For my mom on her birthday Oct 1
Welcome to Elder Journey Insights
October 1st would have been my mom’s 89th birthday, and I can’t think of a more meaningful way to honor her than by launching this new space: Elder Journey Insights. (Which I did by email on October 1st. Only now adding to my website as I continue to learn the technology.)
This blog, along with my speaking platform and memoir which I hope to have published in the near future, is dedicated to one purpose—helping individuals and families prepare for and navigate the many twists and turns of elder care. My hope is that what I share here will give you the tools, perspective, and encouragement I wish I’d had when my family was suddenly thrust into decisions we weren’t ready to make.
Our Family’s Turning Point
Almost six years ago, we discovered just how serious my mom’s memory decline had become. Like many families, we weren’t prepared. It was overwhelming—emotionally and logistically. Four years ago, after countless conversations, decisions, and setbacks, Mom moved into a memory care community in South Florida, not far from the home she loved.
There were days when the journey felt impossibly heavy. But there were also moments of surprising beauty—unexpected laughter, kindness from friends and strangers, and the reassurance that we were doing the best we could for someone we loved so much.
Why I’m Writing
After Mom passed away 18 months ago, I felt both the emptiness of loss and the urgency to share what we had learned. Out of that came my memoir, now seeking publication. In writing it, I realized that our story is not unique—millions of families are walking similar paths. But while the details may differ, the core challenges remain the same:
How do you prepare for what’s coming when you don’t know what to expect?
How do you balance respect for your loved one’s independence with the realities of declining health?
How do you hold on to your own life while caring for someone else’s needs?
This blog is my way of offering real stories and practical advice, so you don’t have to feel as lost or as alone as we did.
What You Can Expect Here
Twice a month, I’ll share:
Practical advice on planning, caregiving, and navigating the elder care system
Personal stories that highlight the struggles and small victories of this journey
Encouragement and resources to help you prepare for what lies ahead
I’ll also provide updates on my speaking engagements, events, and the publication of my memoir. For those of you in the Cincinnati area, I’m currently offering free speaking sessions for community groups, churches, and organizations—because I believe these conversations are too important to put off.
A Birthday Memory
Since today is my mom’s birthday, I’ll close with one story.
When she turned 85, just weeks after moving into memory care, I made the hard choice not to visit in person. I worried my presence might unsettle her and cause her to beg to go home. Instead, I sent gifts, arranged visits from friends, and ordered a cake big enough to share with all three wings or neighborhoods as they called them in her new community. Later, I heard how much she smiled that day—surrounded by new friends, enjoying her cake, and presents with her little dog by her side.
It wasn’t the birthday I had imagined, but it turned out to be one of the happiest moments of that season. And it reminded me that even in the hardest transitions, joy can still find its way in.
Walking This Journey Together
If you’re facing decisions about aging parents, caregiving, or planning ahead for your own future, I invite you to join me here. Sign up for my Blog, follow along on Instagram or Facebook, or reach out directly. You don’t have to walk this journey alone.
For my mom, on her 89th.
And for all of us learning how to love, honor, and prepare for the elder years.
With gratitude,
Donna
Welcome
When my mother began getting lost while out driving, my siblings and I didn’t know what to do. Our father was deceased and we all lived far away, hundreds and for some of us thousands of miles away. That was the beginning of a four and half year ordeal with many twists and turn. So many in fact, I began to ponder the idea of sharing what we had learned so others might have an easier journey when their loved ones start to decline. I decided first to write a book which I am still finalizing, and then I moved onto the idea of writing a blog and seeking speaking engagements to community groups as an elder care concerns advocate. I have created this website to promote all of these related endeavors including my work as a Certified Life Tribute Celebrant. I plan to post two blogs a month and welcome you to join my mailing list so I can let you know when I have posted something new. I am a member of the Ohio Chapter of the National Speakers Association and continue to develop my concepts and speaker’s platform.
My interest in things related to aging and elder care is a perfect complement to my freelance work as a Life Tribute Celebrant which I have been doing since September of 2018. I prepare and lead funerals and memorial services for families who don’t have a church home/pastor or any particular religious affiliation yet would like a beautifully prepared send off for their loved ones. I prepare religious and secular style services based on the needs of each family. Primarily, I work with Cincinnati’s Historic Spring Grove Cemetery and Funeral home but I have also worked with other funeralate the aging process. Please share what you have learned with others so they will also benefit from knowing more abou homes and private individuals who have learned about my services.
I hope over the coming months you will find my blogposts informative and useful as you and your loved ones navigt what to expect and what to do as time passages lead us each to face the elder years, either our own or the elder years of those we love.